Dating an emotionally unavailable women
We store all our past hurts usually forever even when we are unaware of them.
If you were teased about being fat as a child you might push away someone you really like because you are unconsciously afraid that they’ll reject you for being fat but your conscious brain would tell you this happened because they were superficial.
Some men who will start texting heavily before you have even met.
This is always very attractive to me because I can then stay in fantasy relationship with this person and maybe we would never meet because we are both afraid to have something real.
I am aware that this is just my fear but its still very hard to get away from this behavior.
My therapist’s advice to fix this is straightforward.
We all have internal boundaries which prevent us from sharing our emotions and bodies with others before we have grown to trust them.
Its possible to disregard these boundaries by drinking or by giving in to fear. We don’t have relationships from our thinking brains but rather from our unconscious brains.
I routinely text friends my feelings when it comes to dating. If like me you are forty seven years old and on an online dating site then odds are pretty high that a fear of intimacy is most likely a problem for you just like it is for me.Three years of intensive therapy have successfully reduced my fear of intimacy by a lot. My therapist suggested online dating as a way to make further progress with this issue so my purpose for online dating is a bit different than other people’s.Such as when I am feeling really anxious or when something happens that upsets me or when someone turns out to be fun.
The texting is more enjoyable than most of the first dates are and I am learning and growing by doing it!Online dating has helped me learn to take it in when men find me attractive.