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David had a deep, raspy voice and a strong jaw, and composed acerbic, Elvis Costello–like love songs to idealized women on his guitar, and when we would jam out for a room of impressed peers to “Don’t Go Back to Rockville” — him on guitar, me on piano — I felt a kind of joyous male bonding that I’d observed but stood apart from amid years of suffering through hockey, baseball, and soccer teams. Privileged.” B., 40: “Khaki pants.” D., 28: “Cargo shorts. I need to put up a defense before seeing who they really are. Rejection I experienced by my father.” J., 36: “Republicans, goofy, cluelessly trying to present and protect their masculinity.” Some of the responses were witheringly fashion-oriented.When the summer ended, I wrote something appropriately snarky and bombastic in David’s yearbook. He broke down a wall in me and let me see that there were smart, artistic straight men in the world who would love me for the effeminate, pretentious little sass mouth that I was, and who might be far braver than I, in fact, in showing their hand emotionally. The need to assert their ‘straightness’ over anything.” W., 50, who’s black, said specifically of straight black men: “Homophobic. Being loud and unaware and taking up personal space in public.” J., 44: “Some guy in your office who works in or wears button-downs with the bottom hanging out.” W., 58: “Assholes. As A., 33, put it: “Fitted hat, hoodie, sportswear, basketball shorts, sweatpants, or suit, rocker with long hair all black clothes and tatts, bald-headed guy with handlebar moustache, clean-cut metrosexual who’s a little too primped and probably shaves all his pubes off, cheesy suburb type with bad And on and on it went.(My findings: It A lot.) And I’m certainly not the first to note this, but I am baffled as to why so many of you continue to sit on the subway with your legs spread, even as you are surrounded by pictograms urging you not to do this.You will see a man who by all contemporary benchmarks looks gay doing this; we pin our knees together just as neatly as we pomade our disconnected undercuts or tuck our little fitted plaid Steven Alan shirts into our fitted, cuffed chinos.Almost simultaneously, I feel fear, anger, boredom, contempt, fascination, lust, affection, and a deeper social yearning I can’t quite put my finger on. (You only have to look at how well urban gay white men fare against their counterparts on the socieconomic grid to know that we’re an overclass within an underclass.) But like women, we often find ourselves standing on the outside of heterosexual male privilege, looking in at all of that unself-conscious, carelessly earned assuredness of one’s place in the world, particularly if we’re talking about white men.All at once, I see a braying pack of Long Island bros in midtown in blue-check shirts and Dockers; a too-cool-for-school pack of skaters in Brooklyn in knit caps, Carhartt jackets, and skinny jeans; and a grunting, groaning pack of naked muscle frat jocks (whom I hardly think are really straight but instead a gay pornographer’s packaging of “straightness”) having sex together on Sean At all of that Gay men have already had to confront one thing about themselves and deal with it,” says my friend A.

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But when they have those towels wrapped around them and they’re talking to each other about their bad knee, or the 20 pounds they’re trying to lose, or their boss who just changed departments, or politics, or some guy who’s faster on the basketball court than they are, or how they don’t like drinking as much as they used to — whatever the subject — they sound kind of vulnerable to me, a little worn-out, a little defeated, not reallyposturing.” So just in case you thought that quiet gay-looking guy in the steam room was checking you out — not to say you did, or that you’d even care if he were — know that maybe he was sitting there trying to work through a wariness and bafflement many of us have dealt with our whole lives.

For many heterosexuals who want the same levels of social acceptance and support that we have achieved in homosexual communities, nothing really exists. The Red Onion doesn't host a night for HIV-positive people to mingle, and T. The women's health movement of the '70s and gay rights activism really paved the way for HIV services and activism.

The "heterosexual world" does not offer socially-sanctioned support or acceptance to heterosexuals with HIV. After a somewhat rocky (and well-documented) start, the gay community ultimately picked up the ball and ran with it.

If you were going to throw me in the mud and steal my bike — and, sadly, this was the kind of thing that happened to me on a regular basis between the years 19 — I’d be damned you’d do it without me calling you a cretinous troglodyte as you rodeaway.

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But that summer I went to a special program for gifted public-high-school kids and met David, the first straight male soul mate I ever had.

David, who was Jewish and from a richer town than I, matched my bombast word for word, allusion for allusion, ridiculous alliteration for ridiculous alliteration.

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